The Wheels on the Bus Go... V.2.0 - Unentered Territory

Good morning, my comrades-in-[cyberspace]arms. Today, on this lovely, sunny, (yet disappointingly) moderately humid start to the day, permit me to once again delve into the depths of the auto-bus, that vessel which manifests the definition of, and I do dare say... public transit.
Yes, again, friends, I must speak of this convenient yet highly and continuously disconcerting reality that surrounds travelling by bus. I have come to the realisation that you, my dear and somewhat dreadful friend, will never give up. I do not understand what it is about me... perhaps I emit an unpleasant scent, perhaps it is because I have a tangled mane of dark, curly hair that puts people off, perhaps it is my lack of war-paint that hides my flaws, or perhaps it is because I am the weird individual always reading a Harry Potter book at 7:09AM... but it seems that in rush-hour mornings, where the groggy travellers stumble and trudge down the narrow aisles to find a place to deposit themselves, my neighbouring seat is, MOST regrettably, never occupied by a stranger... which, even more regrettably, leads to YOU sitting beside ME.
In regular circumstances, the presence of An Unknown beside me would be unnerving. For example: everyone has experienced either directly or indirectly, the Subtle Ass-Shift in order to give oneself three more millimetres of space in that cramped, stiff, and severely uncomfortable pre-determined range of space we call a seat on the bus. That infinitesimal movement that condemns you to feeling like a complete whale beside someone (then immediately you sit up straighter, suck in your stomach, and put your bag or newspaper or elbows around your midriff to hide the spare glutenous material spilling over your belt-line ). You sense that, had you been more attractive-looking, or had better perfume/cologne on, or simply just stood, you could have avoided the tension now plaguing you, while you so desperately attempt not to touch the person beside you for fear of earning a fish-eyed glare that scrutinizes you and makes you feel even more like you don't belong in this position, and WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DID I EVER SIT DOWN HERE, I FEEL LIKE I'M ON TRIAL.
Indeed, unwanted neighbours on the bus are never preferrable over a good, hearty chat with a best friend or a sibling, but, as I have mentioned in previous times, this sort of familiar company is not desirable in the Ante Meridian (AM). What I did not discuss last time was the interesting and positively dripping with the utmost hilarity (not) situation where you do not see the dreaded familiar face climb the bus, and they approach your regrettably-vacant-I-wish-someone-else-sat-here seat, all the while making direct physical contact (meaning staring you right in the eye and poking you simultaneously) right before they plop their happy-go-lucky, peppy, smiley face right beside you.
Mind you, it is only 7:14 in the morning and I have only had 5 minutes to delve into the world of Boggarts, Ordinary Wizarding Levels, and Draco Malfoy, when I get caught COMPLETELY by surprise. Yes, I am disgruntled, thank you for asking. Only you didn't ask. You started a pathetic conversation again. You asked me what I did last weekend ("Oh, not much, you know." [please shut up please shut up please shut up]), what I did this week ("Hahahaha, just work, you know!"[i'm only laughing to alleviate my frustration please shut up]), what I am doing this week ("Working some more, just like you! Hahahah!" [i really wish you'd shut up]), and what I am going to do this weekend ("Oh, I think I'll just relax, you?!" [it's none of your business anyway shut up]). Thank you for your persistent and prying interest in my personal life, but I'll pass.
Next time, I will leave my house earlier. That way, even if the bus doesn't fill up, I won't feel like a complete loser for not having a stranger sit next to me. I will avoid the plaguing sensation associated with forced conversation, in case you decide to sit beside me again. I will carry more items with me so I look more preoccupied, and maybe fill the vacant seat-void with my lunch bag. Next time, I am going to fall asleep on the bus, and I sincerely hope that you don't bother me, because as nasty as I am after 1.14 hours of being awake, you have no idea what lies in store for you with a just-awakened me.

As J.K. Rowling so wisely put it:


DRACO DORMIENS NUNQUAM TITILLANDUS*

*Translation: Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon.